Friday, May 7, 2010

Don't Wish Me A Happy Mother's Day*

Mothers always impress me, be it, breaking down a stroller in a parking lot with the quickness - one handed, because they're holding baby with the other one or multitasking while watching their children. I really don't know how mother's do it. From the outside looking in, I will simply never get it. When Mother's Day comes around, it's difficult not to think about the relationship I have with mine. Today, after someone wished me a happy early Mother's day and I wanted to scream. I've never brought a Mother's day card in my life. A few years back, I went to the mall for an Auntie Anne's pretzel (they have the best pretzels) on Mother's day, big mistake. When I realized what day it was (I've never marked it on my calendar), I should've left but I got very I every right to be here stubborn. I was all twisted up inside that day and it was my fault. But when a stranger wishes me a happy Mother's day it's out of my hands.

I am not looking forward to working on Sunday because I know customers will wish me a happy Mother's day. All I can do is fake smile and say thanks. For the past few months I have been contributing YA suggestions to a site called Flashlight Worthy Books. This month's theme YA books featuring a mother/daughter relationship. I almost took a pass since than I remembered Bleeding Violet by Dia Reeves. Now, mothers and mental illness that I get but Reeves great YA debut is much more fun than the real thing.

On Sunday unless you know the person is celebrating Mother's Day, please do not wish them a happy Mother's Day.

*I blame this too honest post on the hour. I had actually meant to do something on the economy. In the daylight I will probably have to resist the urge to take it down.So read it while you can.


Helen's Book Blog said...

Great point. I am a mom and I hardly celebrate the day. To me, it's a Hallmark creation. I am kind and loving to my mother every day (we live in the same house) and honor and respect one another every day. I do not expect a gift from my daughter either on just one day of the year. On Mother's Day we will spend quality time together.

I hope your Sunday is a good one, wherever it takes you!

Claudia said...

Thank you for sharing this Doret. I hope you don't delete the post because it is an important reminder to me, and hopefully to others, that not everyone celebrates Mother's Day in the same way or at all. All the best to you this weekend and every weekend!

Zetta said...

Great post, Doret. It's my least favorite holiday, too, and if I *do* buy I card, I make sure it's blank so I can fill it with the *truth*...all studies show that child-free people are happier, yet many parents feel it's their right to pity those of us who don't have or want kids...I respect parents and help my mom-friends out whenever I can, but motherhood is NOT for everyone.

JuJuBe said...

I HATE Mother's Day!! I used to love it, because my Mom was my best friend, and I would be sure to spend a special day with her. But, my Mom passed away suddenly in 2001, and now I feel there is no reason to celebrate. Add to that the fact that I have been desperate for years to have a child of my own. When someone wishes me a Happy Mother's Day, it makes me pine away for the companionship of my own mother, AND makes me feel like less of a woman, somehow inadequate since I have not been able to have a child as of yet. And, to top it all off, last year I was screamed at by my father's new wife for not calling her and wishing her a Happy Mother's Day, when, as far as I know, she is NOT my mother and NEVER EVER will be!!

tanita davis said...

Hey, Doret - never fear - not everybody is feeling the love this weekend. You are SO not alone. I am "meh" about Mother's Day, but I LOATHE and DETEST Father's Day. Good grief -- Hallmark Holidays are just the CRAP, aren't they?

Hull.Margaret said...

PLEASE leave this are blessed by TRUTH...and keep posting truths..I have an unmarried daughter who would like to be married and a mom, a daughter who is married but can not get pregnant, and my mother is in heaven. I do celebrate Mothers day and cherish what my kids do for me special on that day..but I am painfully aware of the heartbreak also..therefore I do not wish someone I do not know a HMD. Thanks again for the post.

rhapsodyinbooks said...

Great post linked to by Tanita! And how about all the discounts at restaurants and other places "for mothers only."

Met too, Doret, me too!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing this, Doret. I hope for a soothing and fairly enjoyable weekend for you.

Anonymous said...

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!LOL I had this same thought today! Now, I have enjoyed Mother's Day and enjoyed celebrating my mom and gma when they were alive. You know I love my babies BUT how do strangers know that I have children, or not? Why are they wishing me a happy mother's day? I was really tempted to throw out a "I'm not a mother" just to be ornery. I've considered the playful/colorful greeting I used to give my brother on mutha's day. But, like you, I just smiled.
My mom has passed away and my children don't live anywhere near. For me it's just another day and I'm not sad when I say that. I don't want strangers wishing me anything, but I don't like the 'dears' and the 'sweeties' and the 'huns' they throw out there, either.

Color Online said...


Being honest is liberating. Don't we carry around enough emotionally?

Don't apologize or second guess yourself for saying what you feel.

stacer said...

I understand what you mean, Doret. My mom is mentally ill. For me, it's not all that private a thing--she feels comfortable telling people about it, so why shouldn't I? We stigmatize mental illness so much, and I think it's important for me to acknowledge the pain and the reality of not having had a "normal" mother growing up, because so many carry that pain silently. And mental illness or not, some mothers just plain suck. (And good for all the ones who don't suck--not saying they all do.)

(Which makes going to church on Mother's Day really hard for me, because I don't know about anyone else who happens to worship on Sundays, but my church lauds mothers up the wazoo. It was so refreshing yesterday to have a leader who acknowledged the reality that not everybody's relationship with their mom is perfect.)

So for me I suppose it's a love-hate relationship rather than full-on hate, but I get you.

Anonymous said...

You, ladies, are amazing!!! Thank you for this inspirational conversation.